The Tonight Show With Chong
by BelleMere
Summary: Chong as a talkshow host? Zuko and Iroh as the first guests? Chong and Iroh singing together? This you gotta read!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Here's a random fic I made while on Distant Horizons. Every new post will be up on Friday, Saturday the latest. Hope you enjoy this fic. . I'm doing this to try to get rid of my writer's block, so I can finish my other fics.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anyone. This applies to my whole show.**

**The Tonight Show with Chong**

**Episode 1**

**Announcer**: Live from somewhere in the Earth Kingdom; this is The Tonight Show with Chong! Our special guests today are wanted criminals from the Fire Nation. Also, we have music, and lots of prizes to give away! And now, for the man of the moment, heerrrreee's Choong!

_( Chong come out onto the set strumming his guitar as his band, led by his wife Lily, plays along. The crowd cheers.)_

**Chong:** Welcome, happy people! This is the first episode of my show and we'll be interviewing guests from the Avatar world every Friday night. Today's guests are special because they come from the dreaded Fire Nation. They used to be royalty, and they must have screwed up something because now they are wanted criminals.

**Loud voice from behind the set**: We did not screw up anything! Uncle, must they announce us as criminals?

**Iroh: **(from behind the set)Shhh! Lower your voice Zuko, everyone can hear you!

**Chong:** Where did those voices come from? eyes widen the set is haunted!

**Zuko**: (from behind the set) It's just us, you fool!

**Chong**: Oh, right. Er….who is_ us_?

**Someone from audience: **Just announce the guests, will you?

**Chong:** Right, right. Peace brother! Our guests for tonight: Iroh, ex-general of the Fire Nation!

_(Iroh come out to wild cheers from the crowd. He smiles and waves, clearly enjoying the attention. He settles on the couch facing Chong and stares greedily at the tea and biscuits on the table)_

**Iroh:** Are they for us?

**Chong:** Yeah, my wife Lily made them.

_(Iroh begins stuffing his face.)_

**Chong:** Our other guest is the ex-prince of the Fire Nation, Zuko!

_(Zuko storms onto the set, looking very unhappy. The crowd goes ballistic, particularly a group of rambunctious fans who screamed louder than the rest.)_

**Fans:** ZUKO! ZUKO! ZUKO!

_(Zuko looks disturbed and scurries over to his uncle, who has biscuit crumbs all over his face)_

**Zuko:** Uncle, we shouldn't have come! These people… er, you have crumbs all over your face.

**Iroh**: I do? starts wiping his face How did they get there?

**Zuko**: (disgustedly) You were eating like a pig.

**Iroh**: I can't help it! We haven't eaten properly in a while. Try the food. It's scrumptious!

_(As Zuko reluctantly tries the food, Chong starts to speak again)_

**Chong:** So, let's start by telling us a why you're banished from your own nation.

**Zuko:** I don't want to talk about it.

**Chong: **It's alright, brother. If you want to heal, the best way is to say your grievances out. starts singing

**_If you want to be happy,_**

_**Don't hold your sadness in!**_

_**Just say it aloud,**_

_**And put on a grin!**_

**Chong:** I forgot the rest but the last part is my favourite. goes down on his knees and holds his guitar up in a rock star pose YEAH!

_(Zuko's face is stony as Iroh, and a slightly bewildered crowd, clapped loudly)_

**Iroh:** That was very good!

**Zuko**: I'm leaving.

_(He gets up and start to move away, but Iroh grabbed his arm and pushed him back down)_

**Iroh:** Zuko! That was extremely rude!

**Zuko:** Listen uncle, I didn't come all this way to listen to some crackpot music. In fact, I didn't even want to come. In case you have forgotten, we need to find the Avatar so we can claim back our honour and go home!

**Chong:** You know, you remind me of Sokka. He had a bad case of destination fever. He wanted to reach Omashu very badly.

**Zuko:** (recognising the name, he grabs Chong's shirt) Wait, did you say Sokka? Is he travelling with a bald monk with an arrow on his head and a waterbending girl?

**Chong:** You mean Master Arrowhead and Katara?

**Zuko:** Master Arrowhead?

**Lily:** He means Aang, dear.

**Chong:** Yeah, Aang! musing So that was his name…

**Zuko:** The Avatar is travelling to Omashu?

**Chong:** Aang? No, he's not the Avatar. Sokka is. By the way, can you let go of my shirt?

**Zuko:** (letting go of Chong) What do you mean? Aang is the Avatar.

**Chong:** Er… no. The Avatar has a mark on his forehead and Sokka had one.

_(Everyone stares at Chong.)_

**Zuko:** The Avatar has a mark on his head, in the form of an _arrow_.

**Chong:** Really? Wait, so that means… Master Arrowhead is the Avatar!

**Zuko:** sighs Yes. We all know. So are they travelling to Omashu?

**Chong:** That was what Sokka said.

**Zuko:** Uncle, we need to go now! We need to get to Omashu!

**Iroh:** Zuko, its dangerous to go there. Remember, we are Fire Nation, and King Bumi is a tricky fellow. If he finds out who we are, who knows what will happen.

**Zuko:** But this might be my one chance-

**Iroh:** Trust me Zuko. You will have better chances outside of Omashu. Besides, I don't want to leave yet.

**Chong:** Well, you won't want to, because after this commercial, we'll have some more questions!

**Zuko: **(sarcastically) I guess it is something to look forward to.

**Chong:** (totally not getting it) That's right, Mister Frown! See, you should be more positive. starts strumming his guitar absently

**Zuko**: Call me Mister Frown again and I'll-

**Commercial:**

_Calling all Earth Nation Men:_

Are you brave, crave adventures and are willing to fight for your country? Then Ba Sing Sei wants you! Come join in and help protect the Earth Kingdom's greatest city against the invading forces of the tyrannical Fire Nation. If Ba Sing Sei falls, so will the Earth Kingdom! So come to arms, men! Long live the Earth Kingdom!

Transport not provided. Neither is insurance.

**Chong:** Welcome back, happy people! If you have just joined us, we have two special celebrity guests: Iroh and Zuko. So, dudes, what have you been doing these past few weeks?

**Iroh:** Running away from the Fire Nation.

**Zuko:** Isn't that obvious?

**Chong: **It was?

**Zuko:** Nevermind.

**Chong:** Have you met anyone on your travels?

**Iroh:** Not really, not since that last village where we met Song.

**Chong:** Who's Song?

**Iroh:** (ignoring Zuko's death glare) A nice young woman who was kind enough to take us in to dinner with her mother, who makes lovely roast duck, by the way. She's a herbalist; she cured me of rashes from eating the White Jade Bush.

**Chong:** Hey, that happened to me once too. Or was it my brother? starts strumming the guitar again and sings

_The White Jade Bush_

_The White Jade Bush_

_Makes you itchy and blue_

_Makes you itchy and blue_

**Chong:** Hmm… I need to work on that. Hey, what songs do you dudes like?

**Zuko:** I don't like any.

**Iroh:** Sure you do. Or did. What about the song Summer's End?

**Zuko:** That was a long time ago, uncle. Looks far away A long time ago…

**Chong:** Hey, the Summer's End song? Did it go like this:

_The birds are going_

_The leaves start dying_

_The wind blows bitter_

_Soon I'll be leaving_

_I promise I'll send you_

_All my love_

_So please don't cry_

_We'll meet each other again_

_Next Summer's End_

_We'll be fighting _

_Far away from home_

_The war is long_

_How I wish to be back_

_I promise I'll send you_

_All my love_

_So please don't cry_

_We'll meet each other again_

_Next Summer's End_

_I'm falling down_

_The earth feels cold_

_I close my eyes_

_And hope they take me back_

_I promised I'll give you _

_All my love_

_I'm so sorry_

_We won't see each other again_

_Next Summer's End_

**Iroh:** Yes, that's the one. It is a popular song in our nation.

**Chong:** It's a sad song though.

**Iroh:** How about the Four Seasons song?

**Chong:** Hey yeah, I know that! How about singing it together with my band?

**Zuko:** (mortified) No, uncle, no.

**Iroh:** (mischeviously) I'd be glad to.

_(The crowd starts cheering as Iroh and Chong walk up to where the band is. Chong starts playing and both start singing)_

_Winter, Spring_

_Summer and Fall_

_Winter, Spring_

_Summer and Fall_

_Four seasons_

_Four loves_

_Four seasons_

_Four loves…_

_(As the crowd happily joins in, Zuko sinks further into the couch, humiliated. He quietly slips out of the set.)_

**Iroh and Chong:** Four seasons, four loves… song ends and everyone cheers enthusiastically

**Chong:** Hey, where's Zuko?

**Iroh:** He must have left. Thank You for a wonderful time. I apologise for my nephew's behaviour. Now I have to go after that boy!

**Chong:** No problem, brother. I hope to see you again!

_(Iroh leaves the set)_

**Chong:** Well, I think that's the end. So… see you next week, where we'll have Azula and her friends over! Bye! goes off the set strumming the guitar


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second part! It isn't as funny as the first (it has Azula, bane of comedy) but give it a chance, will ya? Oh, and for this story, Azula and gang haven't left Omashu yet. Enjoy.**

**Announcer:** Live from Omash-, I mean The City of New Ozai, is The Tonight Show With Chong! Today's guests are Her Royal Highness, Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, along with her two friends: Ty Lee, formerly of the circus and Mei, daughter of the Governor of Omas- whoops, I mean City of New Ozai. Hey, wait! It was a mistake! I- _loud screams are heard. Someone fumbles with the microphone _

**New Announcer:** nervously Um, let's get on with the show. Here's our man, Chong!

_(The audience, mainly firebender soldiers and a couple of scared CNO citizens who have sharp spears poking at their backs, claps politely. Chong enters the set with his guitar, looking a trifle nervous. His band looks nervous too.)_

**Chong:** Welcome scary people and scared people. Today's show is very special as we are honoured to have Her Royal Highness here with us. We're here in the Village of New Omai and-

**Lily:** hisses City of New Ozai!

**Chong:** Oh, right! Thanks dear! peers nervously at Fire Nation soldiers Um, lets bring the out, shall we? First up is Ty Lee, former member of the Chang Circus!

**(Ty Lee bounds out chirpily onto the set and waves at the crowd. The crowd waves back; Ty Lee is nice.)**

**Ty Lee:** Hello! I'm so excited to be on this show!

**Chong:** Hey, nice pink outfit. Moku likes pink.

_(Moku waves at Ty Lee, who responds in kind.)_

**Chong:** Next, we have Mei, daughter of the governor of this er… what's the name of this place again?

**Ty Lee:** City of New Ozai.

_(Mei strolls out casually, eternal boredom on her face. She ignores the audience, who weren't clapping much anyway. She sits beside Ty.)_

**Ty Lee:** (amused) You don't look very happy.

**Mei:** (sarcastically) Yay. How's that?

**Chong:** And now, we have Her Royal Highness, Princess Azula.

_(Fanfare resounds as Azula enters perched on a sedan, surrounded by royal guards. The applause is deafening as everyone not all willingly rose to greet the princess. She raises a hand and smiles coldly. Getting down from her sedan, she walks over to her friends.)_

**Mei:** Now that you're here, can we get this over with? The boredom is killing me.

**Azula:** (chuckling) Ever the optimistic one, aren't you?

**Mei:** I mean, what are we doing here anyway?

**Ty Lee:** Yeah, I've been wondering that.

**Azula:** We're here because I want to promote the Fire Nation and The City Of New Ozai.

**Mei:** (shrugs) Whatever you say.

**Azula:** (turning to Chong) I have taken the liberty of bringing along another guest. I hope you don't mind.

**Chong:** (eyes widening) Is it my mother-in-law?

**Azula:** (raises eyebrow) What? Why would I bring your mother-in-law? How did she even enter this conversation?

**Chong:** (relieved, avoiding Lily's eye) Oh, she lives here. quietly Phew.

**Azula:** (still looking baffled) As I was saying, I have brought along a guest.

_(A hole appears in the roof of the studio. Chong looks up in amazement.)_

**Chong:** Hey, I didn't know we could do that. I can see the sky. Hey look! There's a blue heron! starts strumming his guitar

_Oh Blue Heron_

_Bluey, bluey heron…_

_(Silence. Someone coughs.)_

**Ty Lee:** Er… it was 'nice'.

**Mei:** (stupefied in horror) My God.

**Azula:** (disturbed) Sing anything else like that and I'll feed you to King Bumi's pet.

**Chong: **(gulping) Ye-yes, Princess.

**Azula:** Speaking of the former king, he is our extra guest today.

**Ty Lee:** King Bumi? Why did you bring him here?

_(King Bumi in his coffin-like prison is lowered through the hole. He is laughing and snorting happily. The few citizens cheered, only to be poked with the soldiers' spears.)_

**King Bumi:** Hi everyone!

**Azula:** He's just here to see me officially rename Omashu to City of New Ozai.

**King Bumi:** That's kind of long, isn't it? Everyone keeps messing it up.

**Azula:** (scowls) You be quiet.

**King Bumi:** Heh. Heh. Heh. No problem, Your Highness.

**Chong:** All right, now that we have everyone here, we can start the questions.

**Mei:** What questions?

**Chong:** Er… this is a talk show, so yeah, you have questions.

**Mei:** I mean, what kind of questions, fool!

**Chong:** Oh… right… peace sister.

**Mei:** I'm not your sister.

**Ty Lee:** Umm… can we just get on with the questions?

**Azula:** That would be appreciated.

**Chong:** Sure. We'll start with Miss Ty Lee. Where and how did you meet the Princess and Mei?

**Ty Lee:** (beaming) I met Azula in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls when I was ten. Mei and I were roommates. Our room was next to hers, so we got to know each other and we soon started hanging out together.

**Azula: **We also were the best among everyone there, so that bonded us even more.

**King Bumi:** But you couldn't capture the Avatar, nor his friends.

**Azula:** (snarling) I told you to keep quiet!

**King Bumi:** Oops. I forgot! smiles innocently

**Chong:** Hey, the Avatar? You're looking for Master Arrowhead too?

**Ty Lee:** Master Arrowhead?

**Azula:** (narrows eyes) Who _else_ is looking for the Avatar?

**Chong:** (not knowing the implications) We had two dudes over as guests last week. They were Iroh and Zuko.

_(Azula shoots up from her seat, Ty Lee's eyes widen and Mei lost her bored look.)_

**Azula:** (tense) Those traitors were here?

**Ty Lee:** (mischevious) Hey, here that Mei? Your boyfriend was here.

**Chong:** Hey, Zuko never told me he had a girlfriend!

**Mei:** (embarrassed) He's not my boyfriend!

**Ty Lee:** coughs

**Azula: **(grabs Chong's shirt) Did they mention where they were headed?

**Chong:** Erm… Zuko wanted to go to Omash- I mean The City of New Ozai, but Iroh talked him out of it. By the way, is it a family thing to grab people's shirts?

**Azula:** (lets go of Chong and starts pacing) They had a week to travel. They couldn't have gone far. (To her entourage) Prepare for travel. We're going to look for those two traitors!

**Chong:** You have destination fever too! Oh no! First Sokka, then Zuko, and now Her Highness! It's a disease! backs away from Azula

**Azula, Ty Lee and Mei:** ?

**King Bumi:** notices something happening outside the widow in The City of New Ozai. Hey, there's a fire spreading through the city.

_(Everyone turns and stares out the window at the city, which has some buildings blazing. A soldier rushes in and addresses the princess urgently.)_

**Soldier:** There's a rebellion going on! The citizens have risen up and there are mobs everywhere! They are going to storm the set!

_(Ty Lee and Mei instantly rushed to Azula's side. Ty Lee looks grim while Mei looks invigorated. Azula looks livid.)_

**Azula:** (to Mei, snarling) Your parents can't even keep this city in order.

(Mei looks down and doesn't say anything.)

**Ty Lee:** Azula, maybe you're-

**Azula:** (ignoring Ty, orders the soldiers in the audience) I want you to go down now and quell this ridiculous uprising. Kill if you have to.

_(One of the soldiers stands up. He removes his helmet and reveals that he is no firebender. He is a captain of the guards of Omashu, during King Bumi's reign.)_

**Captain:** A bit too late for that, I think.

_(The rest of the soldiers stand up and reveal themselves to be Earth Kingdom soldiers, much to the bewilderment of Azula and friends.)_

**King Bumi:** Well, I admit, I didn't see this one coming!

_(Chong and his band inch slowly to the exit.)_

**Azula:** recovering and smiling Fine then. Let's play.

_(Chaos reigns as the earthbenders battled the princess and her minions. Rocks, blue fire, darts and a leaping Ty Lee covered the room. Chong and his band are ducking and running flat out to the exit, each carrying their instruments. King Bumi is helping his soldiers and laughing madly.)_

**Chong:** (shouting over the noise)Well, I guess this is the end. We'll see you next week- (ducks as a rock soars overhead), with the dudes from the swamp. Peace! his guitar gets whacked away Hey! My guitar!-


End file.
